Yesterday you wrote me that my email made you happy. I needed that, a lot. It was so wonderful to hear that I could make you happy. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what I should feel, how I make others feel. It can be difficult to judge. Today you wrote me and you are so articulate, so beautiful with words. And so good at expressing yourself, so clear, you writing is so full of gentleness and care. I want to be able to write as beautifully as you. It feels like you carve words, like sculptors carve beautiful statues out of marble, with care and precision. The final text is so wonderful, so beautiful to read. You are inspiring, A. You inspire me to think about what I do, both on a daily basis, and also on grander time-scales. I wanna go on a vacation with you. I wanna go on a trip with you, I wanna discover new things with you, and I wanna share new experiences with you. I want to make new memories with you.

Today I decided it’s time to start writing you another email. It’s hard to figure out what to put into it. There’s so much, and so little, at the same time. I have worked too much, but also, we have been a bit distant. I am so bad at navigating relationships. I never know what’s too much, what’s too little. I am always terrified that what I’ll do will be wrong. Boring, uninteresting, or too much, and I will come off as too needy, too boring. And I have messed up so many relationships with that worry. I wish I was less afraid of writing you.

I was wrong to think that it’s easy to find someone I can talk to, someone I can care for. You really are special. I think it’ll take some time for this to settle for me. I am always so optimistic. That there are people out there that I can connect with. But I’m wrong. It really was special to meet you, and feel a connection, be able to understand one another. It’s so rare. It’s so-so rare.